ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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