i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Naked. naked and bneed help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
