It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
