i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
