theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
