Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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