Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
