Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties