4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
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so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.