2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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