im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.