I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT