i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?