you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
