did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i love accidental penises.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
