I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
