Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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