Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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