But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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