sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
