My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did I show you my penis last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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