Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
