How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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