I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
