Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the condom got lost in my hair
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
