Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
