OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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