i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
