she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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