The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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