Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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