you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
