Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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