my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
