Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
