Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
