my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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