I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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