tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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