Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
