There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
