the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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