She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
