Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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