So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
