the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
