Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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