What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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