there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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