Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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