I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
