Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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