I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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