He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
