fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
