I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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