ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
