Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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