Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
