Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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