just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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