Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
