he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
