I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
