It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
