that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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