Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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