FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
