you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
