so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
