How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
