therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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