Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You took a bar mat shot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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