Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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