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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
