every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
