Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
