got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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