so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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