White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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