Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
