Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
