if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
