In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
