You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
