tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
