Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
