I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
